I'm a big worry wart. I sometimes find myself to like to worry, which gives me an excuse to think about and analyze the problem at hand. I couldn't control this problem that I had. Notice I said "had". I finally understood how to relax without even knowing I'm doing so. It more of a mental calmness to me. I was depressed, sad and sometimes frustrated with the things other women my age and older had. It could be friendships to even a immature boyfriend. I was just sad and couldn't understand why?

I finally realized to just give up on trying to find the right people for me. I was tried of trying to make other girls want to be friends, and the guys to want to date me. Eww.... When I think about how my mentality was, I feel like I should of understood by then and why I went through what I did. Life brings us surprises even when we know what's coming up next. We know will get married, but not to whom. We know will be able to make money, but not how. We also believe in ourselves, but never know how deep the love for ourselves can be. It's safe to say that my depression was fading away. I fulling understand why I was stuck in the rut. It was to change what I didn't feel was right for me. So I took time to come to terms with it and change it for GOOD.

I listened to that peaceful inner voice, spirit guide or sub-conscience and it told me to JUST DO IT. For a minute I had to understand what "it" was. Was it my weight loss? Possibly. Was it taking time to dip into my feminine side? Maybe. Or, maybe it was to let go of all my worries? Ah Ha! I got "it". It was a moment I'd never forget. Why was it so hard for me to come to terms with my much needed relaxation? Fear is a mutha!

I feared that after my successful weight loss, all my dreams were nothing but dreams. I feared I wouldn't have the friends and I feared I'd be alone my whole life. Now I am a loner, but the idea to NOT have someone to talk to all your life is incredibly insane and stressful. I stopped thinking about romantic relationships and the pros and cons of them. I stopped wondering why I couldn't make loyal friends and what my life would be like with loyal friends. I gave up those fantasies. I told myself, if these people wanted to be in my life, they'd make the effort to be there. I knew what it was like to have girls wanting to be friends, it's just that I never accepted it. Whether I liked the chase or not, I knew I was going nowhere with the actions and choices I had made. I gave up my old ways and became a different person with a different mentality. I went from stressing and being depressed to cool, calmed and collected.

My change wasn't focused on the outside this time, it was in a place more needed. My relaxation was the BEST thing that ever happened to me thus far. I am so in love with myself. I feel and give off this love, this vibe to even strangers on the street. Once I gave up this, I'm depressed and look at me aura, men started to noticed my presents. They looked and practically begged me to give them MY attention. My relaxation improved my life. It gave me the heads up that I needed. Now I'm glad I know what's next without knowing what it is. Life is full of surprises...Let's just embrace them.